Deliberate Assertiveness
The Art of Communication in a Fast Pace World
February 12, 2021
When I wake, I say my prayers and ask the Universe to assist me in presenting my highest and best self. Come along with my story as I introduce a new perspective that may open a whole new world for you.
I believe we should all strive to achieve something known as “the highest self.” This has been defined as the character who is attuned to God and the Universe and presents the most amendable and collaborative interaction with all things in their world. Imagine sitting in an indoor butterfly garden. To see as many varieties of butterflies, you almost have to become silent and more observant. You discover that if you slow your movement, the butterflies would fly around you more. As you continue to scan the area, you see a tortoise out of the corner of your eye. You quickly say to yourself, that’s not a butterfly, and continue to scan the area. To me, I look at my day as an indoor butterfly garden. I attempt to become more silent, observant and in tune with the present – including in my communication with others. That is where the art of deliberate assertiveness comes in.
In all my years with the military, I never viewed assertiveness with any level of variety. My first boss would say “Aletha, you are very knowledgeable, but you have no tact.” I would jokingly respond, “oh, sir, I just like to Ja-Making-you-crazy!” Get it… I am Jamaican.
I was in the first wave of women who served on combat ships in the Navy. My first duty was onboard the USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN (CVN-72) as their Communication Security (CMS) Officer. I served one of the many jobs that could get my boss fired. So, I took my duty pretty seriously. My boss received complaints that I was being too bossy, but when I explained that protocols were being violated, I received his full support. I successfully received passing inspection grades for my two-year tour and was happy to see that I contributed to my boss’s success.
Due to some extremely stressful conditions, my ability to become aware of how I presented myself became very dim. It was not until my recent introduction and interaction with horses that I finally understood the different levels of assertiveness. My lesson came from my horse friend, Startlight. Her message: in order to create collaboration and cohesiveness, one should learn how to become more deliberate with their communication.
To drive this perspective home, permit me to tell you the story of my equine lesson with Starlight. For two years, Starlight and I have had a very dynamic relationship. She is a highly sensitive to energy, as am I. From my adult experience, I approached her like I approach a human, straightforward. However, my heart presented too much energy for her. Quite often, I have fear or frustration on my mind and therefore, was not grounded enough to be in resonance with her.
Starlight and I have worked over the past year on relationship issues. I was trying to work through a traumatic event, and talk therapy was just not working. With the horses, I discovered their incredible abilities to pick up on our vibrational energy. This ability is attributed to them being prey animals who have to be vigilant 24/7 to predators and sometimes, humans. I like to say that out of your mess comes a message and gift. Because horses have to be so hyper-vigilant, they are gifted with the skill to pick up on your energy from many feet away and are gifted enough to mirror your energy.
On the day pictured, I was trying to be more confident in catching Starlight and putting a halter on her. She resided with four other mates, and she always uses them as shields to avoid getting caught. None of the other horses act like her.
In my attempt to catch her, she would run under her mother’s neck or another horse with whom she respects. If I attempt to approach her, she would try to kick out or run. I’ve learned from the Equine Specialist (ES) that I should approach her sideways and with my back to her.
That worked until I needed to try to put the rope around her neck. This attempt to catch her went on for a few minutes. I would use the rope to tap her if she kicked or bolted towards me. The ES explained that I was not meeting her where she was, and I was too assertive at a times. The reason Starlight was not cooperating was that I was not being deliberately assertive. The ES recommended that as I am about to put the rope around her neck, I should follow through and not back away because she tries to refuse.
When I figured that out, I became more deliberate with my intentions. Starlight tested me the entire hour of my lesson. When I got to riding her, she knew that I was a basic rider and again, tested my assertiveness. She was walking and I was trying to go between two barrels. Well, I didn’t stir her and she walked right up to the barrel in front of her, stopped, looked down, kicked it, and then, turned her head towards me to say, “well?” Oh boy! The ES instructed me to turn from my waist not my shoulders and be more deliberate with where I want to go. So, I wanted to turn her away from the fallen barrel and around the other. I became more deliberate and it worked!
What a wonderful lesson to learn from my equine friend. Learning when to be more deliberate and assertive.